воскресенье, 19 октября 2008 г.

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�today i decided to stay in my room for the entire day and not eat anything :)�it worked. I live in student accomodation with a shared kitchen between 5, so if i just donapos;t get ready all day, i canapos;t face walking out there and them seeing me all ugly so i never go out to get some food. It works for me :)�i have a super headache though, and couldnapos;t do any work all day.. I seriously donapos;t know how anyone can actually be productive whilst fasting..�
anyway, during the day i heard my flatmates talking outside my door in the corridor, saying "is she alive?" "maybe we should knock on her door"�obviously, i didnapos;t answer when they did, and they just thought i was out.�
then a bit later one of them texted me saying "are you out?"
and then even later they phoned me to check i was still alive.�

i dunno why but it made me feel really happy. I always feel so lonely, and moving to a new town hasnapos;t helped. Thereapos;s no one here whoapos;s a best friend, or anyone iapos;ve known for longer than a month, and it makes me feel strange because my group of friends back home, well weapos;ve all been friends for yeeeears. But 3 times today someone actually noticed i was missing, and wondered where i was. And it made me feel like i actually belong to a group again.�
made me feel good.�

completely unrelated, i need some sleeeeeeeep. How can i not sleep? i have no energy inside me.. Iapos;m running on fucking nothing�

amy amy amy winehouse, i want to be as thin as you�

xx

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First week of hell has just breezed past successfully with much pain and agony. I could still remember how much i prayed that it was friday when it was only monday and soon, it was wednesday and then itapos;s friday and now itapos;s sunday and the cycle is starting tomorrow again. This time, iapos;ll hope that itapos;s friday on tuesdays because monday is a GOOD�DAY ((:

Many projects coming up and i managed to complete my homeworks before i go out and have fun with my friends in a series of mega volleyball training. All of my projects are starting next week and you all can probably start hearing me whine alot more than just the first week of school. Hopefully i can handle them just fine and still rock my grades higher than expected.

Sentosa yesterday and went off to sushi tei to celebrate Serenaapos;s 20th birthday and i tell you the food our table ordered was HEAVENLY Oh my god. We took some pictures of them and maybe we were just pretty damn hungry because they all tasted REALLY�REALLY�GOOD NICE Letapos;s hope that we get such a feast like that again MUHAHAHAHAHAHA FEAST�FEAST�FEASTTTTT

Okay i have been having migrain since yesterday, but it always goes off after a good meal.�Maybe i should eat constantly 24/7. LOLOL Okay iapos;m really running out of cash and i certainly hope i donapos;t have to draw out money anytime soon Will be posting some random pictures we took yesterday so stay tune people for some fun, joy and NICE�CAPTIONS (hint: soowen will KILL�ME)

Alrighty gotta meet up already see yaapos;ll
Do visit my facebook and check out the full video that we took during our secondary school days. Very nice. (: What a big transformation we had as compared to now.

Take care everyone
Especially those overseas
Yes you.

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My heart is completely full at the moment. So... Hereapos;s the story. I have liked this guy on and off for a long time. The reason it never stayed for this whole time was because i was pretty sure i had ABSOLUTELY�NO chance with him. I mean... Heapos;s like the gorgeous, funny, CHRISTIAN, serious (when needed), goofball i have dreamed about for FOREVER And me being my pessimistic kind of self, thought that he would NEVER�like me the same way i like him. So i would talk with him, be his friend and try not to get to attached...

The last few months i have kinda maybe been having feelings for him like MORE�than i had before, i was thinking it was because i was getting closer with him and i was getting to know� him better. But then in the back of my mind i was constantly thinking HE�WOULD�NEVER�like me. And despite my "DEBBIE DOWNER" state of mind i kinda thought in the back of my mind there could be something more... I mean... Some of the things he has done seemed like it... But i still wonapos;t let myself believe it.�

But anyways.... Today i was talking with his sister( who happens to be one of my good friends), about this other guy that i like and she was saying how i have him and something and other,,, And i was like well... There is kinda someone else too. Heapos;s someone iapos;ve known for a LOOOONG time and liked FOREVER, and just never thought heapos;d feel the same. So she was like o my WHO?? So naturally i said i couldnapos;t say and she was like... Is it my brother? and by the look on my face she knew it was. So we started talking about him and she said that sheapos;s been telling him that we would be cute together and he said that he has considered dating me. But heapos;s not sure if he likes me as more than a friend or because iapos;m so much like his sister (the girl i was talking to). And also he got hurt by this one girl really badly and has kinda been saying heapos;s SWEARING off dating, and marriage. Heapos;s only SEVENTEEN. Heapos;s got time to change him mind.

I feel like AMAZING, that he would ever consider me. I know that heapos;s confused about girls and REALLLLY doesnapos;t want to get hurt like that again but I know for a fact that i would NEVER in a million years, hurt him Iapos;m not getting to excited about it all cause, ya know he may find the girl of his dreams, or realize that he truly doesnapos;t like me as more than a friend. But i guess the only thing i can do is pray that he is the guy for me. And let God put things into the right place.

I heard this preacher once preach about dating and basically he said that you have to let it go, and let God have his way. I mean, I want my relationships to be�� pleasing to him, and i want what HE�wants for me. So,,,, I guess what iapos;m saying is.... God iapos;m leaving it in your hands. If you donapos;t think heapos;s not for me, or we are just meant to be friends, i pray that you make sure these feelings are put in the right place. Iapos;ve got to go to bed, Thanks for listening to my SAGA. Goodnight, sleep tight�:))))))




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суббота, 18 октября 2008 г.

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22:25/im here at teh room witapos; mom and teh little monkey. Im bored as hell and im missing teh kyu-ju kyu crew so bad. It is just sad that i blew this one chance to be completely happy again. I miss them and the attention i was getting everytime i come in for work. The phone calls on late hours, the drinking sessions and buddies, the thrill of bein witapos; them everynight, the conversations, just makes me miss them even more.

i miss you guys. I hope i get to work witapos; you guys again when i get back from my vacation sa pilipinas.

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celtic symbol trinity




Tomorrow,
iapos;m going back to the place where it all first started.

sure i have my doubts about it, but looking at the pictures, i really miss them.
its been long, i wonder howapos;s everybody?

life-long friends?
probably.


it makes me all tingly just thinking about it.
for the first in a long time,i feel kind of happy about going back to the house of god.


but then again,god, CHEM IS ON MONDAY.
I FEEL KIND OF WEIRD. ITS LIKE Iapos;M WORRIED BUT Iapos;M NOT SCARED?
and i think iapos;ll do ok if i study but would i study in the first place?


WAHHHHHHH OK OUT OF HERE.
BYEXO.

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пятница, 17 октября 2008 г.

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Tonightapos;s Art Walk was interesting.

On the one hand, the turn out was sparse. Maybe it was the iffy weather, maybe it was the economy or the darkness... I donapos;t know, but it was kind of disappointing.

That said, the turn out I got was tremendous. I had some good friends show up, I sold four copies of the book and shipped another eight copies to another show and I am assured they will do very well there. And even if they donapos;t, Iapos;m pretty much cleared of my debt at this point, which means that I can at least consider ordering more books. Which I may very well do. Itapos;s better to have copies on hand, anyway.

But yeah. I enjoyed the conversations I had, I liked hanging out with the QA Books crew and getting the chance to browse without any time frame except the closing of the shop, which was really nice. My wish list has expanded considerably, dammit

And on that note... apos;night
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cp90





Wow.


I've gotten a lot of e-mail tonight about my last post, and it's made me think a lot about what I said.


I'm not kidding about the racial issues - the white privilege issues - that exist in this city.


But I think I was a little harsh on the efforts that are being made on behalf of meeting halfway. There *are* some people who are working hard to make a difference. It's just that until that difference can be manifested in even a vocal minority, there isn't going to be change... And until more people in pulpits and congregations and board rooms and school rooms REALLY teach tolerance and love - and disengage from this whole idea of privilege - there is no hope of that succeeding. NONE.


But nobody - at least *very* few whites in this town - seem to want to look inward to deal with those snap judgments ... The same ones that seal fates all over the South. Those that say separation is better, that private schools are better than public schools, that discomfort in mixed social and religions situations is ok. I want to see DELIBERATE action. Real, positive, assertive, gentle action - the same kind of direct action King and Gandhi talked about - to look inside and remake this city, this region and this nation.


I *do* see some of that happening - don't get me wrong - and I see it the best of it in higher education. Unfortunately, the people who graduate University.. Black, white, Asian, African, Hispanic, European... Are not as likely to stick around here - the atmosphere is just so toxic that people really want to leave once they have opportunity. The best and the brightest tend to be lured away... And those who stay get beaten down by the constant... Well, the constant inability of good folks to stand up year after year, decade after decade, to the racism and the privilege.


I have lived here for 15 years ... And I am just... Tired of it. The Gandhi/King conference is coming and I want so much to take part in it... But I am so discouraged. Maybe it's all the talk right now that Memphis is such a "progressive" or "liberal" city in such a conservative state. No, I am sorry. I have lived in progressive, liberal cities - and this one is not one of them.


I'll continue to try - don't get me wrong. But you can bet that I will seek other opportunities in other places if they come my way.


And the city wonders why the tax base is just... Floating away.


Get real already.





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I praised my husband today and thanked him for rinsing the supper dishes from last night for me. I genuinely meant it, and he asked me if I was being sarcastic

Weapos;ve just had two "discussions" in which I have bested him, but heapos;s unable to admit defeat. He started to cook hard boiled eggs the other day (the only protein Dassi will eat for lunch), and I happened to notice that he lets the water boil before adding the eggs. No wonder his eggs explode half the time I pointed out that you put the eggs in cool water first and let them warm up with the water and after it is boiling time for 5 minutes. I asserted that doing this kept the shell from cracking on instant exposure to high temperature. He refuted my argument, so we looked up how to cook a hard boiled egg on the Internet. The first recipe he clicked on said to put the eggs in cool water first. Dan took one look at that, and said, "Well, clearly that is mistaken." That was the end of that discussion. The other one was about how people actually die when they are crucified. Dan said their chest caves in. I said in the position that are in they are not able to breathe deeply enough and constantly try and pull themselves up using their legs to get more air. They become too weak to do this after awhile and asphyxiate. We looked it up. Dan took one look at the explanation and clicked the page shut before I had a chance to see it. He announced, "Iapos;m right." I said if youapos;re right how come you wonapos;t let me see the page. He grinned sheepishly and terminated the conversation. We are too frigging competitive. No wonder we always seem to be at odds, and it doesnapos;t help that I am right most of the time.

We finally found Dassiapos;s flower girl dress for Tom and Annaapos;s wedding. It is black velvet, which is a rather morbid outlook for a wedding, especially for a 4 year old flower girl, but there wasnapos;t a dark green dress to be had for love or money, and we wouldnapos;t dare go with white. Definitely not on a 4 year old. (Wedding colors are black, white, and dark green.)

I had a good day teaching today. I feel like I made a lot of progress with my students at TJS. On the other hand, I need to ream my DelTech students tomorrow about late assignments and developing appropriate thesis statements. I am going to make them prewrite (bleg), and make it worth 50pts in addition to their essays.

Well, I really should get to bed. Iapos;ve got a big day ahead tomorrow, and Danapos;s trying to convince me to actually go camping (in a tent) Saturday with him and Dassi. My idea of a camp out is a hotel without room service
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